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Have you ever noticed how, as people get older, they start sounding like Andy Rooney?

I have been thinking a lot about civilization and manners lately. Couldn’t say why, except that I have seen a great decline in basic civility – those rules which preserve civilization – in my lifetime. Here are some things I remember about the world when I was younger:

1. People used to dress in their best clothes to go shopping, even grocery shopping. No one would think of going to a store dressed in worn out jeans and a crumpled T-shirt, much less in a shirt that has profanities printed on it.

2. People used to dress in their best clothes to travel on airplanes or trains. No need to elaborate there, is there?

3. One never used to see or hear profanity in public, unless he or she were visiting a construction site or shipyard. And certain things were just not allowed on TV - not just bleeped out. People who could not control their tongues were simply not on the air.

The whole “in your face” attitude that began in earnest in the 60’s has nearly destroyed manners in our society. You see, manners are not just a matter of knowing what fork to use. Real manners or etiquette begins with knowing where you are in the world, and seeking to ease the experience for your fellow travelers. If we ask ourselves, “How does what I am doing affect the other people in this room? What can I do to help the other guy have a pleasant day?” we will find ourselves on the road to true civility.

A person with good manners listens to others who are talking with the aim of understanding the other person, not just waiting for a break to speak.

A person with good manners does not keep others waiting, because he knows that other people’s time is just as valuable as his own. If he is going to be late, he calls ahead to apologize and let people know.

A person with good manners – a civil person – dresses neatly because he thinks others do not want to see a slob. He eats carefully, slowly, taking small bites rather than wolfing down his food. He says “Please” and “Thank You” because he likes to hear those words himself, and because he has a genuine sense of gratitude for what others do.

A person with good manners smiles at people he meets because he knows that a smile creates an immediate feeling of being at ease with a stranger. I heard someone say once that whenever he meets someone new, he always says, “I am glad to meet you. I have heard so many nice things about you.” That is really civilized.

This is why we are told to always pass the salt and the pepper together. It is just an effort to ease the journey for our fellow human beings. Since a person who wants salt often wants pepper, too, keeping and passing them together prevents a person from having to ask two people for what he needs. Does that make sense?

I am not saying that we should be compulsively focused on what we are doing all the time; only that we should try to be on our best behavior and walk gently through this life, helping to ease the way for everyone else we meet. You will recall what the Savior said about losing our life in the service of others. If we will earnestly try to help and serve others, we will find others trying to help us in our journey, too.