Dad told me it was past my turn to write something on the blog. I told him I didn't set it up and that it was HIS thing and besides he likes to write and I don't. However, because I'm trying to improve in sportsmanship, I will be a good sport now and give you something new to read. Here it goes.
I got a belated Christmas card last week from a long time dear friend of mine who is going through a divorce after more than 20 years of what seemed to be a great, adventure filled, temple marriage. I called my friend the next day and listened to her for two hours. She said that things had not been good between her and her husband since he started making tons of money(millions)in land investments about 6 years ago. He became friends with some big wigs in Phoenix and was pulled into their way of living. First he had one drink of alcohol just to get along with them. Then he had the occasional drink with his friends. My friend didn't know this was going on. They bought a big beautiful house in Queen Creek and a condo in Hawaii. They went on several vacations a year. My friend always had great things to write about in her yearly Christmas letter. I'm ashamed to admit I felt a little envious of their lifestyle.
Anyway, about four years ago, my friend said her husband started coming home from business meetings drunk. She begged him to stop. He would apologize when he was sober and beg her forgiveness(he would never do that again). She is one of the sweetest, least judgemental persons I know and of course she believed and forgave him. Little did she know that he had already started using meth and having affairs with other women. Over the next few years he started abusing my friend. Of course he always cried and begged for her to forgive him when he was sober. She tried to help him but he gradually turned into a mean, abusive person. She stayed with him because they have a twelve year old son that adored his father.
My friend prayed for help constantly and attended the Temple to try to get answers to what she should do. Then one night last May,her husband put a loaded gun to her head and raped her. He told her if she went to the police he would kill her and their son. Now she knew she had to get out. After her husband fell asleep,she took her son to a friend's house and she went to her bishop. He took her to the police. They arrested her husband the next day. Apparently, he had been under suspicion for business fraud along with another guy he worked with. The police were quick to bring him in. He has been in jail since and is awaiting trial on fraud charges. The other charges cannot be proved (his word against hers) so they have been dropped. My friend has lost everything material but she said she feels more at peace now than she has for several years and her son is happier too. She will start teaching at Franklin Academy in Queen Creek next Fall.
The point to me telling you this story is just a warning to never, never compromise your standards. It will start you on a path to destruction. Also, appreciate the life you have, love each other and love the Lord. I am so grateful to have a husband who lives righteously and who loves and cares for his family.
Oliver in Brazil: April 2024
1 week ago
5 comments:
You should chime in more often! But I'm trying to answer the question you pose in the title. What does "not to do that" mean? Not to stay with a spouse who comes home drunk? Or not to stay with one who chases money and status? Or do you mean "Leave at the first hint of abuse?" (nobody will argue with that.) It really made me think. "Love those who despitefully use you" applies in a marriage too. Nobody knows how to twist the knife like your own spouse and children! Marriage is the laboratory in which patient endurance, overlooking in the moment, and other such advanced lessons are learned. Sure, when danger arises it's time to go, but until then, that no-good crummy spouse can be a Godsend, if you want to learn to walk in Jesus' footsteps. "The first time he came home drunk, she should have moved out" is what many people will advise, nowadays, and if you're only concerned about yourself, and how you look to others, and aren't going to learn anything, then it's good advice. Otherwise, hang in there (as long as you aren't in danger) and there are many lessons to learn, and blessings to impart to that failing spouse. Just my 2c.
Craig,
The title of the blog refers to something I use to say to my kids when they were young. Whenever the subject of drugs,immorality or any other activity that was against Church standards came up on TV,movies or conversation, I pointed out the problems those activities caused and then I always said, "You know not to do that, right?" Then they would answer,"right". My kids make fun of me for saying that, so now it is an inside joke. I used it for the title just to get a chuckle out of my kids.
By the way, my friend said that she learned more about endurance, patience and relying on the Lord the last few years than all of her years before.
Great post mom! You are a good writer...probably much better than you think! The title did get a chuckle out of me too! Good memories! Love ya!
I am sorry to hear about your friend. But its good that she is ok. We would love to hear from you more often Mommy. You are a good writer, even if you don't enjoy it as much as Dad does. I liked the title too! Love you guys!
I agree with the others - you SHOULD write more often, Mom! We all love and miss you so much, and hope you are all doing well!!
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